As we are on the security line, this big fat Israeli woman, I'm guessing that's what she was. Her husband had a massive white beard but she looked Roma. Anyway, she bumps into me, she's really loud and obnoxious and when I tell Glenn he tells me she bumped him first. I told him to get used to it.
As we get closer, she busts in front of the Asian guy in front of us, and her husband says something to her but he has absolutely no control of her. She asks the Asian if he wants to go and he's like, nah, you just go. We get all our shit on the belt and we're waiting. Shes at the front of the line, the belt is moving but there's nothing on it. The security people are yelling to her to push the bang in front of her forward and the bitch takes her own stuff and tries to go around it. People are saying stuff to her and the Asian guy goes up and moves the bag and the line starts again but some of her shit has to go through again. I tell the asian guy, she's in such a rush to get in front of you and then she holds the line up, he laughs and shakes his head and we manage to get through the rest with no problem. (Glenn keeps sucking on his electronic cigarette thing and the light in the front goes on - like a beacon in case a lose him across the row.)
We get to our gate after Glenn gets some coffee and after sitting there for a while, I go to get some wings. Of course, that turns in to a half an hour ordeal. I get back and people are standing all over the place. Three fat geeky nerds are right in front of my chair. No really, it's ok, I want to see your fat asses and crotches while I eat my wings. They start boarding and that too goes smoothly. The flight is pretty empty and I tell Glenn to go across the row and grab the three seats so he can lounge out and I can have two. Sweet. I seriously can't believe how empty the flight is.
These two younger conservative/hacidic Jewish girls (one is half a chromosome away from being special) are trying to video the takeoff and the stewardess has to tell her to put the camera away - to which Glenn responds, "oh, I didn't know it was electronic, it has batteries.". We're laughing. They're the only two people on the plan talking.
We're waiting and Glenn is playing with the touchscreen tv. The screen says "Touch the Lion" for the MGM advertisement. There are two lions.
He touches one and nothing happens. So, he touches the other one.
Nothing happens.
So, now he's petting the lion. We're laughing and then he starts cleaning it's ear like his finger is a q-tip (holy shit, I think someone shit their pants. You have to be kidding me. Glenn is gone so I know it wasn't him. He's back but someone is still shitting their pants. WTF!!!). Every time he tries to work his tv, the PA comes on with some announcement, in Italian. We could be going down and never know it!
Now were waiting for food or something I think. I'm feeling sleepy so that may be good. Fucking kid in a manUre shirt. I want to kick him. His brother has on a Ronaldo Portugal jersey.
I can't fucking win.
How do I have this "world conspires against me attitude?" Allow me to explain. I was an ass because there was a row of seats further up and I didn't take them to lay across, so despite four pillows and three blankets I can't get comfortable. The arm of the chair is digging across my back and yeah, I sleep here and there, I didn't really sleep. It's 9am but it's really 2 and I'm fucked because I went to bed at 2:30 yesterday. We haven't even hit Ireland yet. And just to be sure I didn't sleep even when I was tired, the fucking powers that be ensured that halfway through the flight the chick behind me developed tuberculosis and coughed ridiculously loud the entire time. Did I mention that that person is still shitting themselves? I'm going to puke and on top of it all, the girl with the spilt chromosome opens her window and it's directed right at my face on other side of the fucking plane! Tuberculosis chick behind me also keeps opening her window - I'm hoping she jumps. And before you say I'm a dick for saying that, the cough will prevent her from plummeting to her death, trust me.
We made it and now we're sitting outside waiting for Jess and Chris. Glenn is having a smoke and hopefully the girls made it to their plane because they originally screwed up the time of the train they needed. We have an hour and a half wait for them.
So it gets to be 12:10 and we head in the board says that they landed at 12:02' so we wait at lost and found like we were supposed to.
And we wait...
It's 12:20 and we're still waiting.
And we wait...
It only took us 10 minutes to get off the plane and through passport control.
And we wait...
It's 12:45 and I am ready to go to the information desk to see if they made it on to their flight. I'm worried because of their 3:30 am train and the fact that they might have missed a leg or two getting to it.
Oh, there they are.
So, we walked around Venice. It's hot. We saw stuff.
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad
Location:On the plane
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