The odyssey from Rome to Paris.

I should have known.

It's been a while since I've had to experience the pleasure of a Ryan Air flight and all that goes with it.

First of all 4:15 comes early in the am. I think everyone did a pretty good job of getting it together and getting out on time. As a matter of fact, Mauro was early and apparently a little miffed we weren't ready to leave at 4:34. Though I can empathize with his desire to get back to bed, he can blow me. We agreed on 4:45 and we were all out and in the car by 4:44.

The ride there was relatively uneventful except for the one time he zoned out and seemed to miss a curve in the road. No harm, no foul.

We arrived at Rome's Ciampino airport with more than enough time to do what we needed to. Well, we did, I'm not sure Ryan air was prepared or ever is for that matter.

Low Fares, Low Class

The beauty of travel in Europe is that everything is close together and you can get pretty good deals on flights if you're willing to travel at odd times and to airports that are a little out of the way. Apparently this airport and the ones they and a few other lines fly in and out of were old military airports. These companies bought and now use them. Because of this and other cuts in services they're able to keep costs down.

This is also the downside of travel in Europe. Every cheap bastard and dirty European is on these flights and acts like animals when going to and from the gate.

And at the gate for that matter too.

We get inside and try to figure out which line we need to be on. After an announcement, we realize we need to be on the really long one. We hop on and begin to condense all the extra shit we have. You're only allowed to have one carry on on these cheap flights, chalk up another for the downside.

When I say extra shit, I mean all the extra food Jess and Chris didn't eat, along with two rolls of toilet paper. Don't get me wrong, the other two rolls in the four pack came in quite handy, however, we didn't need to smuggle two rolls with us to Paris. They may smell here but I am pretty sure the majority of them wipe their asses.

I walk up to the garbage can with Chris who announces that, "It's such a shame to waste this perfectly good can" of whatever vegetable crap was in it. The line was moving a little so I pried the can out of her hand and tossed it for her. It's a can of vegetable crap, not the Ring of Power.

The line is brutal. I know I have mentioned the knocking in to you and cutting the line and the general stupidity of the people in the lines but I am glad other people have gotten to witness it now. One douche who tried to get in front of us with his mother and I think his brother, or it was his old ass wife and son, looked like the gay guy who is clearly the girl on the show Jess watches, Million Dollar Listing. Before you say which gay guy who thinks he is the girl, let me clarify, the tall one who is really bitchy.

As we get up to near where the mob has to squeeze in to the clearly defined rows of the stands and belts, at least three groups of people try to cut in front of the Asian family in front of us. To one I just gave them a Brooklyn "ooooo" and thumb to the back of the line, they complied. But these two dirty Italian assholes slipped in front of the Asians and they were surprised. Jess informed them that it was their fault that they left too much room and that's what happens.

We move through the line and there aren't too many cutters, though they do announce for people flying to Paris to come to the front to check in and it's fucking mayhem. People are cutting in and put of the lines, knocking fucking stands over, so, when in Rome...

With our adopted Asian family in tow, we head up to the front and take over a line. The staff kick some black guy off of his line and tell him to come to ours, which of course, he does but doesn't even say anything to us, just cuts. Jess says something and he comes back with some stupid comment like, "do you think I just flew here from nowhere?". I don't know where the hell you came from nor do I give a shit. He goes through and gets his stuff and we get ours and join our Asian relatives on line for security.

Random other people are flying through the security line, under the belts and shit to get to their flight. They announce for everyone on our flight to go to the front of the security line, which they do, only we get stopped by one of the safety guys, like their TSA. He starts yelling at us in italian and makes us go back into the line. Jess goes to another guy and tells him and they guy says ok, go, but the other asshole is saying no again and we're starting to have words. We go to get back in to the line and he's pushing me on my shoulder, to which I had to tell him, as politely as I could of course, not to push me.

Most of us get through the line, but Glenn is carrying some canned vegetable pate shit that smells like cat food. Really, do we care if this gets taken? We get through and race with the Asians to the gate. They're already boarding and the line is long. We paid for priority boarding and walked towards the front of the line. Jess went to ask and I stood a little further back to wait for word. Some woman starts telling me that the line is back there, I tell her I know, relax. Jess waves her priority boarding at the attendant and then waves to us and we're in. The front of the line is up here, bitch!

We get through and then move off to the side to repack our bags with whatever came out, and for Glenn to reorganize his picnic of pate and crackers. While we waited on the tarmac, some Italian skanks in front of us, who passed us while we were repacking. When we got in line behind them they started saying something about "priority". Yeah, you may be back in front of us but we don't care because we didn't wait on that huge line or fight our way to the front of it like animals as you did.

Besides, didn't I eat part of one of your fat asses while in Tuscany?

It gets better, check these out:
http://reputation-guardian.com/2010/10/ryanair-wins-the-battle-but-loses-the-war/.html